letters to Joanne 94 and 95

                                        12 December 94
Dear Jo

I had a word with your mother yesterday (the real one),
to tell her the postal address for you and Hils.

She was very disturbed and upset the way things have gone, she also had a letter from her mother who was also very upset for some reason.

One of her complaints was she has not heard from you or Hilary since we were at Christopher's wedding in 1991.

She said she has written to you but has never had a reply, and has never received any cards at Christmas or thank you letters.

I used to send her a card , and some news every year if not more frequent, but apart from that she has had no contact. I assured her that I was positive that you wrote letters to her but maybe you decided not to send them for some obscure reason.

I have not heard how you are getting on at Aberdeen , but my mother said you seemed to be doing OK, so that will have to do.

At this end I am hearing some very bizarre stories from all directions some quite destructive, you are well out of it.

At this stage few things can sustain you mentally, and you great grandfather had problems in 1936 in Germany. He believed that fashionable ideas and beliefs were cyclic. As long as you told the truth stayed true to your ideals occasionally the cycle will turn and you will be a man of your time , the rest of it you will have to grin and bear it. That's what I also believe , so all I can do is hang in for a change in opinion.

Always remember you can only give love, mercy and charity ,never
demand it.


that's it



    30 January 95
             

dear Jo

I hope you had an enjoyable Christmas and new year, and received the money and card I sent OK.

This was the first Christmas without you and Hilary . I hope you had an enjoyable time under the circumstances.

I was duty over the Christmas period , so could not relax. I did manage to get out and do some visiting apart for the station. Luckily we had no fatalities at Christmas, they did not happen until the new year.

We kept a low profile over the festive season so our location would not be known, but the cats out the bag now, so you can have my address legally. Please let Hilary know where I am as well. I would write to her direct, but I want her to read the letter.

I had a card from my cousin Margit after 22 years . It could be her first attempt to escape from the clutches of the Scientologist so I have to act cautiously.

Life is still uncomfortable for me on the Island, with many people avoiding me or making mischief. I know I should leave Orkney but can not bring myself to run away from false accusations, so I am making a rod for my own back. Do you remember those times when John and Sam gave vivid details of events which occurred before they were born and adamant they saw them. We used to joke about  them watching the world from the womb. Well its not so funny now!
I now know what has happened, and how, but still do not know why, and I doubt if I ever will.

The latest gossip is , I will return to the marital home once Sue has left, and of course be repentant. That is what the members of the church have been told and believe. The truth is the marriage is dead and I am just waiting for the official burial. A partnership built on deceit is as stable as a castle built on quicksand, its just a matter of time.

Do you remember when we lived at Rye and I told you stories in the car going to the swimming pool. I am trying to recall them and write them down . I am rehashing the tales from the octopuses garden, but have not started to think about the dinosaur adventures.

Look after your self, You know my address now so please keep in touch.

Love Dad,

5 March 95
Dear Jo
Still have not heard from you, but have had some communications from Hilary, UNFORTUNATELY.
My mother phoned Hilary last weekend , and then phoned me to say Pauline was very forgiving, pleasant, and understanding. Also, Hilary wanted to get in contact with Shirley. Like a fool  with the best interests of my daughters in mind I made contact with Shirley and asked her to phone Hilary. Never again will I get caught up in these mind games. Not only did I get an ear full from my mother about my behaviour, Shirley also had a go, and accused me of all manner of things. She also said my mother was insulting to Pauline, ranted and raved and brought her to tears. I was lower than a slug for getting her involved.

The week went badly from then on. If only the Martell's could find other forms of entertainment life would be easier. It did make me realise that you can not afford to be reasonable to any Martell, and must be on guard in all things.

I shall be petitioning for divorce for unreasonable behaviour.
It gives me a chance to show (a) what I have been through and
(b) the true character of Pauline. I shall start with her last divorce, the adulterous affair with the trainee vicar, and what she did when he went back to his wife. The fondling Reg Cox and Rev Brookes, the child abuse which she allowed with Reg Swain, in spite of the warnings by her children. It is no wonder She has had problems with the younger ones.

It is easier than I thought to get evidence about her character, but then I will have to be guided by what the solicitor thinks will be the best, and most advantageous. Her letters to me are very useful, full of real insights. I am afraid it will be rough for you and Hilary, but as you have joined in the mudslinging already it will open your eyes for once. Pauline's attempt to petition me for unreasonable behaviour failed by the lack of her evidence and luckily will be little use this time, I can see no way she can escape her day of reckoning, and it will give me a chance to clear my name.

I have not heard from Margit since Christmas so it looks like the Scientologists are stronger than I thought. We still thought it was a memorable event, the first real attempt to break away. She may have been put off because I am now with Sue and she does not know her. One day we will make the effort to visit her in Germany , and try again.

That's it for now, keep your head down and chin up, it wont be long till its all over.

love




2 May 95

Dear Joanne and Hilary

This is the last time I will write to you I hope.

My solicitor told me the interdict brought by Pauline is due in September. He is hoping to mount a spirited defence on my behalf and has some interesting reference points to expose Pauline's story. The draw back is that he will have to subject you to a vigorous cross examination.

It would appear that Sam and John's testimony is fairly easy to rubbish as they are hostile witnesses, and the plank of Pauline's defence rests with your statements.

I have tried every combination to avoid you entering the witness box to be mauled by my solicitor. To stand a fighting chance I would have to do it.

I feel it is like the judgement of Solomon. To save my reputation I have to destroy yours and expose you both as liars, or deluded and manipulated .Taking into consideration the following facts:-

a) If I win it will not stop Pauline spreading lies.

b) I am already ostracized and shunned by the people I cared for.
   Winning will not change that or improve my standing.

c) The hearing is not broadcast in the paper so no one will know either way.

d) I will gain no affection from you ,once you have been humiliated.

e) I will be leaving the Island and starting again soon.

I have decided not to contest Pauline's action. I hope this will suffice to avoid your humilation , and the disgrace of watching you both in court.


The next event will be the divorce raised by me against Pauline for unreasonable behaviour. If you want to defend her then, you will be savaged. You should not need to be called as this time I choose the incidents, and all I have to do is prove what she admitted  in the letters she wrote asking me to come back in 93 and 94. You must remember that victims never ask to be come back.
They have to be persuaded to try again with promises of better behaviour. I have never asked Pauline to come back .

CONSCIENCE
I must warn you about the consequences of a conscience .
Most great religions and moral  teaching rely on the belief in a conscience, an inner belief in right and wrong.
So powerful is the guilt attached to wrong doing that the catholic church have a means of purging sins and wrong doings through the confessions box, a facility denied to the Protestants.

Pagans also suffer the pangs of guilt and have great difficulty in coming to terms with wrongful deeds. To function properly, the guilt feelings are subdued, and consigned to the subconscious. In times of stress or remorse they flood out. If the wrong deeds are not purged, or dealt with they fester , and come out by involuntary actions. In many cases the nervous system or the mental state is altered with devastating consequences for the patient. Unlike the picture of Dorian Gray we can not see our conscience, only the effects of it. Christians are no different, the conscience is considered as the whole or the dominant part of the soul.

In secular society a person is either Guilty , Innocent, or diminished responsibility. In religions and cults which have final resting places, you only have heaven and Hell. There is no Broadmoor or Rampton in between. This may be because of the belief that Mental instability is the result of evil deeds not the cause of them. Your religion is quite brutal in dealing with its sinners , and very unforgiving.
It is conjecture whether a death bed confession saves the soul, or merely delays the judgement. I am not one for death bed confessions. I can not see how a warder at Belsen can murder 3,000,000 Jews and be forgiven by a death bed confession.
You must live your life to the full, doing only what seems right at the time, if you wait for forgiveness, it is worthless when given. So do not expect it .I trust your Heavenly father is more tolerant than I am, after all he has to deal with Pauline one day.

This year is the 50 th year of the end of world war II, not the end of war. Hitler lasted 12 years in power, and manipulated his people to do unforgivable acts. Most fought to the death with bravery for a lost and worthless cause. The insignia on the SS belt was "god on our side." It was only when defeated , could they objectively see what happened ,and start to come to terms with what Hitler had done, and what he had made them do. It is also 12 years ago I met Pauline , and I can draw many other parallels.

This has been a difficult time for me .It is not the first time our family has been split up. I did leave home in 93, and admitted to you for the first time that I could not handle the violence and abuse any longer, I should have stayed away.
I SHALL NOW.