Brief History of a failed marriage

Here is a brief history to inform a solicitor about events in reply to a writ issued in 1994 under the matrimonial housing act of Scotland. Issued by Pauline to evict me from my home. It is compiled from extracts of a diary kept from 1989 to 1994.

Prior to my marriage to Pauline Frances Martell, I was a single

parent with control and custody of both daughters and a good

relationship with them both.

I was aware before I married that Pauline had divorced her

husband on grounds of domestic violence, and she was having some

difficulty coming to terms with her past experiences.

She also suffers from irrational jealousy, and, low self esteem

as a result of the previous marriage and thus can not handle any

form of reproach.

We moved into Doehouse in the summer of 89, as a result Pauline

suffered sever bought of depression which she said was a result

of homesickness for Cornwall. This was a difficult year, which

ended with her in despair for her eldest son who was a drug

addict.

In 1990 the Pauline travelled south to section her son under the

mental health act, and returned to Orkney. Her son committed

suicide in august and she returned with her two youngest sons for

the funeral. From here on relations became more difficult and her

behaviour less predictable.

Her violent mood swings gave rise to the belief that her

hormones were out of balance, and she was suffering from

depression. Her violent abusive behaviour which had occurred

about 13 times a year became more frequent, although she would

not accept responsibility for her actions and thus would blame

anyone else for causing the out burst and making them feel

guilty and apologetic, in most cases this fell on me.

If I argued back or was defiant she would take her wrath out

on my daughters. My relationship with my daughters was

especially irksome and an irritant to her, to avoid unpleasant

scenes I actively withdrew from them, and encourage a better

relationship with her.

In 1991 I started a stock diary which I put the odd jotting of

other events in. Pauline read it on odd occasion and was upset

by the content, I then resorted to encoding some information

which I use to chart the progress of her HRT, to anticipate the next difficult period, and if possible avoid the consequences.

1991 was the first real year of farming and the farm started

to occupy more of my time, it gradually went from a chore to

my only allowable hobby/pastime and refuge.

It soon became apparent that her control of her temper was

diminished with fatigue and tiredness. It became important to

reduce the stress levels and ensure adequate rest for my life

to be tolerable, even so on 10 occasions I slept down stairs

on cushions following intolerable verbal abuse. When I slept

down stairs away from the matrimonial bed it was followed by feelings of guilt on her behalf, made worse if any of the children saw evidence of a split in relationships. I therefore had to remove all evidence before the rest of the household

awoke.

Relations with her son Jonathan began to deteriorate as he sought the same compassion given to his mother for the loss of his brother. Meal times began to resemble a battle field where I was subject to a, argument on any subject by Jon. He was never admonished by his mother. and if I tried to correct his actions she would join in on his side.

On numerous occasions I left the table with a meal unfinished, for the sanctuary of the Byre.

The worst occasions were on the 5 May and the 6 May when I broke a plate as I left. Throughout the year the episodes of depression increased .

On the 21 July feeling suicidal she left the house and did not return for a number of hours. I had no idea where she went.

Her suicide threats increased although she made no attempt I thought that talking about suicide some how reduced the risk.

On the 29 August ,about a year after her sons death she did

the same as before, but arrived home in a very depressed

state. This would be the closest she would come to suicide

until 1994.

1992 saw an increase in nights down stairs to 14 , and a

feeling that with extra work on my behalf I was getting on top

of the problems. Pauline was still having counselling and under her doctor for hormone imbalance, she was taking tranquillisers on a regular basis. New normality broke down, on the 28 April and the 29th again with Jon as the catalyst.

After an abusive shouting session where Jon said he had got rid of his father from the house and I would be easier. Pauline joined in. This time I threw a cup at the wall in frustration. I escaped to the byre, unfortunately she followed me there and physically assaulted me and told me to get out. I remained working outside until dinner time when the

atmosphere had improved, although the children were still hostile.

The following day I was only verbally abused and stayed away from the bedroom for as long as possible, by which time she was asleep. The year ended with the dread of opening to the public the next year, but with a few trips off the island to look forward to.

1993 A further increase in sleeping down stairs to 17

including 31 January when I was grabbed by the hair and told to get out. Next morning all children were very frosty and not speaking.

On the 1st Feb advertised the house for sale as demanded by Pauline, but Pauline had cold feet and put off all enquirers.

On 16 may after an appalling day of depression and verbal abuse from Pauline and with the family joining in I stayed awake all night. I then woke every one up at the normal time that I get up and told them to start there work ,as I do and see if they like being abused at the end of it. Had an apology from all.

On the 16 August had an altercation with Jon who was appalling and violent, in desperation I threw a bucket of water at him and chased him

down the drive, while he was shouting abuse.

On 22 August a new helper arrived who seemed over friendly, Pauline was very jealous and a big row ensued ,it was difficult to end the incident, which ended when I threw my coffee cup at the wall and smashed it. She seemed to gloat at my discomfort.

On the 8 September Pauline demanded that the Fibre Farm and dairy be separated from the farm to give her a direct income and thus some incentive. It was a non started for vat returns, although it was a very unpleasant incident, I did promise to think of some other way round it.

10 September Thomas Martell's (Pauline's son ) gave me a cheque for £30, which bounced, and although I gave him cash in good faith , he made no move to repay the deficit.

On 26 of September following 3 days of abuse and insults from Jon My resolve snapped and told Jon to get out. After calming down I went into his room to discuss his action. After he threw a cup of hot coffee over me and beat me around the head with his exercise books, he accused me of ruining a good nursing career. I said then I would move out if that was the only option. Pauline told me to get out so I did and moved into the Vanglee bed and breakfast.
 I was unable to communicate with my children who were abusive because Pauline was upset, and as the farm was in my name could not fully care for the stock. She would not sell the

farm either. I was persuaded to met her again and she begged me to return, with promises of improved behaviour as she realised what she could loose.

6 October spent a night in a local hotel and came home again on the 7th after an apology to every one.

26 October Pauline demanded to be a partner in the farm, and

reluctantly I agreed to look into it.

On the 27 November (the incident she refers to in her writ) I had attended a search and rescue exercise in Kirkwall and returned home at about 1400 she was in a foul mood. She was complaining about the work I expected her to do without any praise or reward, and Jon was working hard but I did not appreciate it, I could see no way of calming her down so made a bolt for the door and the sanctuary of the byre. She caught me at the door by the wrists and would not let go.  As I was struggling to release myself our heads collided. After a further few minutes of struggling I managed to calm her sufficiently for her to release me, it took a further half an hour to calm her down, I then noticed she had a swelling under the eye. At no time have I ever punched her, before or since. When Jon saw her mothers face was swelling he invited his friend round for dinner, the best way to publicise the incident. Our wedding anniversary was due the next day, It cast a shadow over all our dealings. Pauline took no steps to conceal the injury or act honestly.

On December 7 after constant complaints that the farm was coming between us I put the farm up for sale through an advertising agency down South.

14 December the counselling session had gone particular badly and she was very depressed and worried that the questioning was getting a bit too close and intrusive.

16 December received answers to the advertisement for the house, she felt uneasy and threaten.

17 December house sale was cancelled.

1994 was a bad year in any ones books, with 33 nights on the floor following verbal abuse, 3 of which were followed by physical abuse normally hair pulling scratching and biting. She also physically attacked me during sex ,which curtailed activities in that area. On each occasion they coincided with PMT one day before menstruating.

20 January Daniel (her eldest remaining son) sent to prison

for 9 months for drug trafficking.

March 14 counselling session at Kirkwall , the last joint meeting, the discussion centred on relations with the children especially Jon. I expressed my concern for the amount of rumours circulating about my character, all slanderous. She became very distressed and the session was terminated. On the way home she tried to jump from the car whilst it was

still moving at 30 mph and again at 20 mph. It was a difficult and taxing drive home. She said she felt totally suicidal , the rest of the day was spent with her.

23 march I arrived home to find our neighbours cycle out side I was told that it was given to Sam to use, why I asked when you have a good cycle in the byre but not using it. I was told that it was in case he had to escape from the house ( I assumed his petty stealing from the farm shop had come to light). I was horrified as I have never harmed him . I believed this to be the work of Jon who was still spreading stories to gain sympathy from older men. No one else seemed to be bothered, although baffled and upset I did not dwell on it.

4 April Jon at his most destructive in abuse and actions

I did however manager to remain calm, but spent longer than I

should have out side in the byre.

5 April went to Aberdeen for a course, leaving Pauline to look after the cashmere goats which were about to kid. Jon was suppose to check on the goats as Pauline was tired but could not be bothered, consequently a brown cashmere kidded with difficulty and both kids were lost. When I arrived home she was distraught but I managed to calm her, and not tell Jon off for his neglect. The brown goat subsequently died from complications of the birth.

23 April Jon again very disruptive and endangering the welfare

and health of the horses, shown what to do and why, but received severe verbal abuse.

24 Jon again abusive, when I went into his bedroom to ask why he did not do what he said he was going to do. He was verbally abusive I snatched a book from his hand, to make him listen to me when he lashed out with his feet to try and kick me in the groin. I caught is foot and pitched him out of bed and threatened him if he continued. He said he was leaving, I said good get out, and went to sort out a ewe that was lambing. Jon left home. Pauline was fuming and we had strong words ,I slept down stairs.

25 April I wrote Jon a letter asking him to return home and treat the place like a hotel until he left home to start work. He refused.

27 April brought papers for entering a partnership home she refused a partnership as the farm was loosing too much money.

15 May Jon's birthday, I spent most of my time outside and left the rest of the family to enjoy the celebrations.

6 June Pauline having panic attacks about the running of the fibre farm tours, told her not to open. That evening the Doctor told me to ensure she did not open as she was near a breakdown.

8 June Tom (Pauline's son) phoned to complain that Jon's state was her fault, took a long time to calm her. Had little sleep that night .

13 June meeting with the doctor which seemed to be more for my benefit than hers and more a lecture on low self esteem.

14 June Jon left for a holiday in England, still not living with us.

14 August Tom phoned complaining about Jon's actions which were

unacceptable.

17 August Guy phoned to complain about Jon's Homosexual friends intimidating his girl friend who is pregnant and very worried. It seemed that Jon was jealous of her for her relationship with his favourite brother. The plan was to change telephone numbers to ex directory, move home when convenient, to avoid the intimidation.

19 August Jon back on Island staying with male friends.

23 August Jon arrived at the house while I was outside working I felt disgusted at his actions , I could not bring myself to speak to him. I changed and went out for an orange juice at

the Smithfield until he left, and the night on a cold floor when I returned.

On 6 September (as cited in her writ) I arrived home later than normal, not being in a hurry to get home these days. I found Pauline withdrawn and upset. The meal was a quiet and monotone affair, when the children left the room she told me that Jon was very upset that I had sent him to Coventry and he was very miserable. I replied that was his problem he has

created the atmosphere, how can he return to a house that is supposed to be so dreadful to live in . He is in control of events I am the victim and thus will make no effort to ease his conscience.

She then started to hurl obscenities, and I made for the door.

she caught me by the dairy an spun me round by the hair.

I broke her grip and pushed her away. I went towards the field

to let the goats in, she attacked me from behind, grabbed me by the hair

spun me round and kicked me, with difficulty I escaped and pushed her away, and told her that was enough. She attacked and I escaped a further 3 times, but by now I was very sore.

I entered the byre with the goats and slammed the door behind me. I heard the door open and again she came after me. This time she held my overalls and clothing either side of the neck, and was pummelling my neck whilst hurling abuse and obscenities, her eyes were wild and she seemed to have lost control. When I could stand it no more I broke her grip and ran for the door. she caught me in the collecting yard and tried to strangle me, at that I threw her over my shoulder lowered her to the ground and broke the grip. I said she was a crazy bitch ,and told her to get out. She lay on the floor kicking her legs up and down and screaming like a child with a tantrum. I left her there and returned to the animals very shaken.

Joanne My daughter next opened the door demanding to know what had I

done to Pauline, I told her to grow up , I have had enough leave me alone.

when I came into the house it was deserted.

The following day after a sleepless night and in severe pain I went to work I could not speak properly due to the injury to the neck. I could not speak normally until Friday and even then with a croaky voice.

I then took steps to seek a legal separation and sale of the home and business.

In the mean time I was trying to run the over stocked farm by

starting work at 5 am and working until 10 pm or when I collapsed.

On 10 September I delivered milk to the Stromness Coffee shop and saw Joanne,and Hilary they were abusive.

That after noon Pauline came to the farm and said she would like to come back, it was only a scrap. I said I want a separation and to sell the property. For the following weeks I received phone calls at 2330 ,which

hung up when I picked up the receiver.

22 October I found some one willing to assist me with the farm

as she was being made homeless, and her possessions were moved

in by Orkney removal to save on storage.

24 October Sue (my assistant) returned from shopping to find

someone in the house. she turned the car round and stayed away

until I left work.

25 October Sue was cleaning out the cupboard in the kitchen when she heard someone arrive , as most of Pauline's belongings were pack in boxes down stairs she went to hide in the bedroom. Pauline confronted her in the bedroom and was very abusive. Sue phoned the Coastguard Station in a distressed state, I left work to pick her up and brought her back to the

station until I finished work. For the rest of the week she left the house in the morning and not returning until late.

Pauline had stolen my diary to collect evidence , and delivered it to my immediate superior. He was not amused and warned me it had better not happen again.

28 October served with a writ at work

29 October served with the writ at home.

At 1807 received an abusive telephone call from Jon,

I asked him who it was , but he would not give his name.

I said the time is 1807 your call is logged then phoned the

police to stop the calls.

In the writ Pauline mentioned I had neglected the stock and

that some had died. 4 goats have in fact died, as did in the

same period in 1993 and less than the same period in 1992.

As her care of the stock is considered not negligent I refute

the accusation that as I have not lost any more than before in

this known danger period.

I have not intimidated her or tried to make contact with her,

where has she has harassed and pestered me.

When I refer to the last attack she made on me I mean this is

the last time it will happen.

I applied for separation so as not to justify grounds which

she would find distressing if brought to public.

I believe my daughter is at risk living with Pauline as I have

been her safety valve for so long she will transfer her aggression towards Hilary.

Pauline's track record as a parent is not brilliant:

Patrick committed suicide after mental illness following a long period of drug abuse.

Daniel imprisoned for 9 months for drug trafficking

Thomas alcohol dependency

Jonathan Homosexual but not out, due to religion, and a cannabis user

Sam Having difficulty with his sexuality, and a thief

I still have care and control over Hilary from a previous marriage and extensive welfare checks.

I expect the same thorough checks to be made of Pauline.

I do not wish to deprive Pauline of anything which is justly

hers, therefore I am seeking a legal separation and an amicable

division of the assets, with myself taking the outstanding £1000 overdraft on the farm.

I consider it important that I should have accommodation available for Hilary when she needs to escape from an intolerable situation.

The farm is overstocked and as agreed before she left to reduce the stock I want leave to sell stock for meat to markets which may not be available in the future.

The farm business is in my name , she received a wage from the

farm not the debts incurred. Therefore it was not her sole business and has no right to take it over and demand £500 monthly payment as well. She has received £100 per month in her account before and after the split up, I also paid the airfare for her holiday south. She has no reason for not finding a job the same as the rest of us if she wants more money.

The payment to her of £100 per calendar month is still in

force.

As Pauline has no financial interest in the farm I do not see how she would effectively run it, until a just settlement was reached