letters of a broken family: Hilary 2012

17-3-2012

Dear Derek,

The family broke up for a second time when I was 15, we last communicated when I was about 18, when I indirectly inferred harm to your current girlfriends son at the time just so I could get my uni money. You managed to get through life without paying child support for me during my last 2 years of school, leaving me to finance myself since the age of 15.

So it surprised me to see that you have decided to get my Sister to pass on your email address, I have no idea why and therefore you can read this email and consider your options.

I hated my childhood, it was totally destroyed by you, to be honest I hated you and my stepmother but my stepmother was still a better option then you. My memories of you are trying to run me over with that ugly bus and also accusing me of sleeping with Johnny and Sam. Neither makes father of the year. My favourite childhood memories that vaguely involve you are the coast guards family day with the rescue seat/ flying fox and playing mighty mouse with my Brother Christopher and my Sister.

Looking back over my life and examining my behaviour due to my nature/ nurturing development I can see that as a child I had situational Depression, I remember sometimes being barley able to walk the drive of Doehouse. The violence and abuse that surrounded our family and the destructive nature of your relationships creates a huge negative influence generally creating children with low self esteem, poor education and children who indulging in high risk behaviours.

My high risk behaviours following such a broken childhood development lead me to sniffing lighter fuel at about 14, smoking and alcohol abuse. When I went to Uni I just blew my mind. Seeing you were such an arse I decided after my first year of Uni that it would be better for me to be a mature student. So I went away, worked and done as many drugs as I could find, until the day I heard our little brother Sam was Graduating Uni, which meant it had been three years and so I was a mature student able to return to study without your involvement.

I achieved a Bsc(hons) Psychology & Biological Science, Post Grad Diploma in Out door Education and a diploma in Nutrition plus many other course. Interestingly I never truly applied myself, I have master all these subjects without ever really having to study. Which leads me back to you, could you imagine how much better I could have been if I grew up in a nurturing environment, where I was encouraged, supported and loved.

At the end of the day I would not be who I am today without everything that happened to me.

To be honest I know nothing about you, I heard from my stepmother you issues stemmed from your childhood where you had a chip on your shoulder. To be honest you could probably parallel our lives and looking at social behaviour and human development statistically we have similar traits, except you have lost yourself in crazy land.

I think you enjoyed the high risk of the coast guards, the rescues and when they made you office bound you had no release. The farm was a disaster, you buried yourself in the work there thinking everything you was doing was right, you worked the hardest and why did we not respect you. You likely think you done everything you could for us and yet we were ungrateful.

Personally I hold no grudge or ill will to my mothers, I have a pretty good relationship with both of them and have an understanding about their situation.

Do I understand you, vaguely, do I care, not really. I hear from my sister you still send her abusive emails, you also don't let her know where you live and really that is pathetic. You choose not to have anything to do with your amazing Grandchildren. Whilst I am on the other side of the world and wish I could spend time with my Sister and her family. Joanne is amazing, she has achieved so much, her business is moving on leaps and bounds, her children are the cutest and yet you want nothing to do with them that is so odd. Your mother I am sure loved having her grandchildren and it would have been sad for her to lose us due to your behaviour. This is why I recently contacted her and showed her how I grew up. No one really cares anymore Derek, admittedly for years if I ever saw you I would have had the beaten crap out of you but now you are a frail old man and I have matured. Joanne has pursued a relationship with you for years, and yet you still cannot be a nice father.

I don't blame the horrendous situation that I grew up in, I have moved on and accepted the negativity that surrounded my development and made the active measure to change my behavioural patterns that are so stereotypical of a child from such as disastrous upbringing.

The only questions I have for you is:

Why did you Kill my Horse Coco, when you were looking after the farm by yourself? Was he ill? Or as I believe you really are that vindictive.

Why do I have an abbreviated birth certificate?

I choose to speak to my mothers but you I have no interest in talking to you, or having such a negative influence back in my life. I know you still send drivel to Joanne and I respect the fact she puts up with your craziness. I will not.

You can choose if you are able to try and create an understanding, moving toward a basic relationship of small talk but it will rely on you at least acknowledging your involvement in the past and not blaming everyone else.

You chose an Oscar wild quote as your parting words to me.

So for you.

"What the people believe is True"(Anishinabe Tribe).

Oh and yes I have sent this to Joanne as well because she is the one that will suffer, having to read the crap you write.

Yours Sincerely

19-3-2012 reply

Hilary

WOW

I will go through each part and give you an answer you will not believe because I clearly see you are Pauline's child and believe all she has said about me. That is not surprising as she did it before, and managed to construct a history for her own children to believe. (Sam witnessing events in the womb) . I did send you all the photographs of your youth with NHS card Birth certificates etc, so you could see there was a life before the Martell's and a happy one.

You may not understand the child protection rules in the UK but before a decision could be made about custody of children in a divorce I had to under go many assessments and psychological tests to ensure I was a fit person to raise children. I was reassessed following bruising sustained by Joanne when playing in the bath. Pauline allegedly suffered in an abusive marriage but never had a social service assessment.

I do not dispute that Pauline is believable, I fell for it all myself, or Jonathan can be persuasive but there has been an agenda. After the violent attack on our honeymoon I thought I could survive the marriage until you were adult. She must have know it was not going to last, I just wanted the marriage to be less distasteful.

Not true. I paid maintenance to Pauline of £400 a month for you. She also claimed DHSS payments and had access to stock and equipment she sold. On completion of payments for maintenance I also paid CSA a third of my wages after tax for you. You can check if you want it is all documented, including the investigation against Pauline for fraudulent claiming of DHSS payments which stopped on completion of the investigation. Records are kept in CSA, DHSS, My solicitors files my own files and Bank statements. I was still paying up to four years after you left school. Pauline was give money for the express purpose of your financial support. You say you did not get any and had to finance yourself since 15. That is clearly not my fault.

So it surprised me to see that you have decided to get my Sister to pass on your email address, I have no idea why and therefore you can read this email and consider your options.

Not quiet true. My address book on Hotmail was compromised. That was the last email address I gave you as a contact. I wanted her to inform you that the address you have is no longer valid. I did not want you to contact me. Obviously not the way you have.

You did not hate your childhood at least not the bit before 1988. My mother always comments that you were a happy child unlike Joanne that could be a bit sourly.

I do not think I totally destroyed your childhood. I am your father and have always tried to support you. I was a single parent for 5 years. Any unhappiness at school difficulties with behaviour or cause for concern you would have been reported to social services and custody for you and Joanne would have been given to Shirley. Shirley was in a stable relationship. She was married to Terry. If I was an abusive father or a wife beater it would have been detected. A leopard seldom changes its spots. If I was an abusive partner it would have occurred with Shirley, and then later with Sue, Sylvia and Kathy. On the other hand if Pauline was abusive there would be accusations of abuse in her marriage to Anthony, me and Neil. I think you will find she has scored a full house.

I am sorry you have no memories of your happy youth, I wonder why? As for running you down with the bus. You are my daughter, I could never harm you and never have intentionally. I imaging Jonathan has something to do with that memory. As for sleeping with Jonathan and Sam. Jonathan is gay and Sam was more interested in a boy called Tubby. I am surprised he is married to a woman. From Whom did you get this absurd accusation, clearly some one not that interested in your welfare.

This is news to me I had no idea you suffered from depression it was not obvious when we were both at Doehouse. Admittedly I was very busy with a demanding job as the Only Station officer of the Coastguard service in Orkney with 165 staff and involved in every SAR mission the station had. There was also the farm! I was told often the reason for your taciturn demeanour was adolescence and periods. Not being a woman and never suffering either I can not be blamed from believing a woman on these matters. You never spoke to me EVER.

The violence in the marriage. That was perpetrated by Pauline and Jonathan, I did not have a history of violence before or after the marriage. I have never smacked you in the whole of your life. You may recall I left Doehouse in 1993 following a violent attack by Jonathan. It was bad enough suffering Pauline's violent behaviour without having it in stereo with an unstable controlling brute of a youth. You will note that the violence with Jonathan started when he had grown to a size where he towered over me. If I was a violent man I would have exerted my power over him when he was smaller and controllable. I returned to Doehouse when Pauline begged me to come back. It is unlikely that some one violently attacked on a regular basis would want the perpetrator to come back. I wrote you and Joanne a letter, a separate letter to each of you explaining why I left. Pauline did say that Joanne was offended by the letter. I obviously did not raise the subject again with her. On reflection knowing what I know about Pauline I am not sure if Joanne read her letter.

Low self esteem! I have always tried to encourage you and pushed you to fulfil your full potential. However Jonathan's needs seem to come before your own. He was not that good a horseman but you were not encouraged to show him your full potential. I did broach that subject with you and Joanne but you were adamant that you did not want to be in competition with your controlling, manipulating, jealous brother. Hence Only Jonathan could do medicine (something you could have had a leaning towards, as you had good interpersonal skills like your mother). Only Jonathan could play clarinet, saxophone etc. You had to take the flute although had a better aptitude for wind instruments. Giving into a bullying manipulator is a cause of low self esteem and harms the manipulator as well. They become arrogant, self interested and selfish. They seldom reach their full potential. This culture of boys first was not condoned by me and the source of bitter arguments.

The only way that Pauline could exert any control over me was by threatening you and Joanne. As you seem to get on well with her I assumed she only threatened not carried out her threats. It is with great regret and sorrow that you imply you did suffer some violence at Doehouse. For this I am truly sorry, I had no idea it was happening, and would have stopped it. I was never told anything that happened, had I been informed I was accused of violence I would have kicked the crazy bitch out sooner than I did.

I did attend all the school visits and talked to all of your teachers. All painted a rosy picture of your development, they spoke highly of your achievements and progress. All said you worked hard and tried your best. Jonathan did not get such a glowing report and laziness being a constant thread. So your underachievement must have started after the family broke up. You obviously made the wrong choice in which parent to stay with. I never refused you a room in my home, you chose to be a Martell.

This is heartbreaking information, when you become a parent you will understand. I was not aware of any of this until now, you don't know how angry it makes me that you had to suffer so.

I would dispute that I was an arse. You never saw me after 1995.

Good for you well done. You did have a caring nurturing environment until you were ten. After which you opted to spend more time with Pauline, YOUR CHOICE NOT MINE. Yes I can imagine how much better you would have been.

At the end of the day I would not be who I am today without everything that happened to me.

that is So sad

One can only imagine what your heard from your stepmother. You could have checked. You could have talked about it. We do not have parallel lives. I spent my formative years in an orphanage where I did suffer real abuse. From then on I have worked hard to ensure no one else suffers institutional abuse. I realised the world was fraught with danger, injustice and bigotry, and spent my whole life trying to ensure justice for all. If justice and tolerance is crazy land, then I would love to be crazy and regret there are not enough crazy people about, just a surfeit of bigoted people you believe in.

Yes I did enjoy being a Coastguard. I certainly enjoyed the sector work, but nothing was so rewarding as the Job of Station Officer, where you were involved with every rescue, and when nothing was happening developing and training my staff. Very little time is actually spent dangling on a piece of rope most of the time was spent Search planning and being in the Operations room or sector base. Most of my Coastguard career was spent in the ops room. The assertion that I had no release can only come from someone that did not know me, did not know the job, or up to mischief.

The farm. Everything I embark on I try to do it the best I can. The farm mushroomed because Pauline wanted it too. Every crazy idea was rejected by me then she talked me into by stating I would not be doing more work because she would do the, dairying, visits, fibre farm, sales and paperwork. The truth is she did very little but ensured I was occupied away from the house where she had dominion. Had I spent less time working I would have noticed earlier. That is very regrettable. However it did give me sanctuary from that malicious violent Harpie. Once a bolt hole is established it is a brave man that destroys it.

Yes the farm was very time consuming but when you have responsibility for animals it is your duty to do the best for them.

You may recall that I was the only one working full time earning a wage to pay for, maintain, clothe and support a lazy wife, two stepchildren and managed to assist Guy and Thomas through college education. I also bailed them out with arrears of poll tax and supported them with food and transport. I can not remember anyone saying they did not want the money I earned. So one can assume my working was not totally antifamily although grateful seems elusive.

Personally I hold no grudge or ill will to my mothers, I have a pretty good relationship with both of them and have an understanding about their situation.

It is good to see loyalty, and I can recognise loyalty when I see it . However one mother left you for drink and the other used you as a weapon. I do not think much loyalty has been shown to you. I do not advocate that you punish Shirley for the early years of your life she was a good mother, and I must say a good wife. It is unfortunate that she suffers from an addictive gene, and you appear to have the same genetic difficulty. As for Pauline I can see no evidence of love and loyalty toward you. You may disagree, it was your life she used. The only one that actually loves you, you have tried to destroy. Even after all this time, I still love you and if you are in need would do my best to assist you. Maybe you should ask the question who else apart from your husband would do that. Please do not treat him the way you have treated me.

Clearly you haven't a clue about me . As for dealings with your sister it really has nothing to do with you, and normally would not talk about her without course for her reply however.

Joanne writes that is true, but over the years it is obvious that she shares the emails or information with others. I feel I am not talking to her alone, it would seem indirectly I could be talking to you or even Pauline and Jonathan.

The other annoying thing is her insistence on her religion being important and my non religion as a failure of morals. All her life I have been an atheist I never stopped you or her going into a church, I just don't get the church thing any more. It is not as if I was never schooled or a member of the church, I was a keen church goer at one time, much to the dismay of my parents that believed but did not attend church. I lost my faith at 17 when I was in a war zone, when I was troubled that people I thought good, better than me and deserving were killed or injured while I a single hard drinking waster was unharmed. God moves in mysterious ways, and the vicar I consulted seemed hopeless. One explanation he came up with was that god was testing me and encouraging me to embrace him. This all knowing god did not know my sense of justice and thought by killing a few innocent people would bring me closer. Obviously god is totally incompetent or does not exist. I have never seen evidence of a caring god anywhere, Your letter, the actions of Pauline, Jonathan and their bigotry clearly shows there is no god. If there is a god at work it is not the one that guided Jesus, Mohamed or Moses, it could well be the other fella that has a warm place for intolerant lying bigots.

Yes I would dearly love to see the grandchildren but I am incapacitated due to ill health. I will one day get down to them. They unfortunately can not visit me. So until then I will continue sending presents, and hope they are suitable.

You may not know but I would be amazed if you did not, that following the breakup of the marriage I suffered the severest of stalking including death threats, and abusive telephone calls of a threatening nature even from Jonathan. The police were informed and confirmed Jonathan was a culprit and did I want to press charges. I just wanted it to stop so believe he only had a caution. I am exdirectory on the phone which can be inconvenient. I keep my address as secret as possible, Pauline has found many of my addresses, but so far so good. With Joanne access to my life is an extremely risky proposition. You may not know what it is like to be stalked for 6 years but it is not very pleasant. Pauline deliberately set about to destroy my family, my finances, my career and my life. She was successful with most. I do not have a loving family, your letter seems to be a reasonable proof of that. Complaints and letters were sent to my headquarters accusing me of wife beating, child abuse, fraud, witchcraft,(Orkney witch trials) and animal cruelty. Most were unsigned but read. The Rendall's of Westray did sign some complaints, and Stuart resigned over it. The result of the smear campaign was quite effective and stopped me going to the Coastguard training centre, and stopped a promising career stone dead for 10 years. I did recover some standing in the service but was never as influential as I was.

I still have my life but not my health and I am in pain every single day and most of the night. The stress generated by Martell family actions was directly responsible for the damaged immune system which left me wide open to a polio type virus.

I would dearly love to see the grandchildren but to be honest I do not trust Joanne with my whereabouts. She is proud of her relationship with Pauline and calls Jonathan her brother. Unfortunately Christopher is not held in such high esteem.

The reference to beating the crap out of me although new from you is not a new phenomena. If you would care to reflect on the fact that you, my daughter, sees fit to feel that way, it should not surprise you that others may try. I suggest you talk to Thomas, ask him how his father coped, how he shows signs of a little paranoia. It would also be interesting to ask him what happened when he asked Pauline to stop lying about the actions of his father Anthony.

As for being a nice father to Joanne, she forgives me for my actions. That is exactly the same as saying you did it. I DO NOT NEED FORGIVENESS FOR SOMETHING I DID NOT DO. She like you has built a world around an abusive father, which would be difficult to retract or explain away if a different interpretation came to light. When the truth filters out she has a lot to loose. I do not wish that on her or any one. Just a thought what have you told your husband about your life. Judging by this letter only what you want to believe not the truth, you have never sought evidence. Just wanted to believe the worst of your father. I think that is a problem for you not me.

I am aware that Joanne is making a success of her life and it would have been good to have been in a position to assist her.

I am in hiding I keep my location secret. This email from you proves it is a prudent precaution. I should also mention Peter and Jane, Roz and Tracy, you get a mention in despatches for firing Pauline's bullets. You and Joanne harassed both couples that were invited by Pauline to live in the cottage, they paid rent.. It is true that the mild mannered Joanne comes in for the fiercest of criticism but you joyously joined in the disgraceful behaviour. Shame on you.

Allegedly. Your recollections are that of a child, unaware of the dynamics of adult relationships. Now as an adult with greater experience, I would expect you to be more reflective, and aware of emotional tensions in a relationship that can render one partner silent and reticent while the other can become vocal and critical.

The only questions I have for you is:

Why did you Kill my Horse Coco, when you were looking after the farm by yourself? Was he ill? Or as I believe you really are that vindictive.

Why do I have an abbreviated birth certificate?

COCO was not your horse, my horse or Pauline's horse, it had done the rounds of many at pony club, Coco was on loan and I did not know who the real owner was, I was not involved in the negotiations, I did not want another horse churning up the fields. I did not want Shula or the other Shetland that damaged the goats grazing. I did not have the Horses or the dogs at Doehouse after Pauline left, they were collected and taken away while I was not there.

The death of Coco had nothing to do with me the first indication was when McHarg the vet made an appointment to visit the farm. That day some one delivered Coco. The vet arrived with his gun, inspected Coco. Told me off for leaving it too long and letting the horse suffer. Gave me a warning about poor husbandry of horses. Shot the horse and left. This left me with a vets bill and a large animal to bury. I was not well pleased . A horse that did not belong to me, was shot by a vet I did not call and I was left with a carcase to dispose of. If you had asked me about it at the time you would have received an angry reply about this sick sense of someone's humour. Coco is buried at Doehouse with Herod. It was not a good weekend and very hard work

If I was vindictive I would have shot Harmony(I paid for her) Coco did not belong to us she was on long term loan. I would not shoot a horse without first contacting the owner. I find it disturbing that you think I would miss treat an animal because it was yours!

Birth certificate, pass, no idea. I gave the birth certificates as they were. I do not hold anything of yours, I parcelled everything up with the photographs. I have nothing of yours, nothing to remind me. So if you do not need to see the photographs of a happy childhood before you were 10 send them to Joanne I can pick them up from her when I am well enough to travel.

As you wish we have nothing in common and you are clearly a Martell

Just check the facts before you leap, you clearly have got into all kinds of bother listening to and taking action on behalf of two odd people.

You chose an Oscar wild quote as your parting words to me.

So for you.

"What the people believe ( provable with evidence ) is True"(Anishinabe Tribe).

Oh and yes I have sent this to Joanne as well because she is the one that will suffer, having to read the crap you write.

Joanne may put up with the crap I write but she instigated contact

You can send this to Joanne if you like I will not

This is so very sad coming from such a happy child that did have a conscience and knew what was right and wrong.

I have a question for you to consider.

I last spent time with you in 1991 travelling to Rye for Christopher's wedding. I thought you were happy then. We had time to talk, and visited places of your much forgotten happy childhood. Joanne was very sulky, not wanting to remember the past. She already had a seat in the Martell camp and considered Hastings as her ancestral home. Surprisingly she lived longer in Camber than she ever did in Hastings, I wonder if this distortion of history is implanted in your reconstructed life. Also in 1991 Patrick died, about the time I was going to leave Pauline but with the death it seemed very callous. Bereavement is difficult to deal with. I, while trying to console the inconsolable, said that I knew how it felt. She said something odd, she said to me “when I loose my children I will know what bereavement is, not until .” She should have said “If I loose my children” not when. The saying was so odd that I remembered it. I also wonder if that was the motive for the break up of the family.

I shall not be contacting you again, you have my email address, if you have need to contact me. I will not need to contact you. When your Grandmother dies I will tell Joanne.

“The only thing worse than things undone is things you wish you had done”

Good luck for the future

love

Dad

letters of a broken family

Tuesday, 7 February 2017

Hilary 2012

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