Jo
a parcel has been sent for Iona and Tristan. Please let me know if it does not arrive
love
dad
|
3/16/13
 | | ||
Oh! Thanks! They’ll look forward to receiving that. J
Hope all’s well with you? And with Granny?
Our two are fine here. Tristan and Iona both have my temper, but when they aren’t being moody or losing their temper, they’re both great kids. We’re planning a trip down to London over Easter to do a few museums and for Tristan – a ride on the underground and some other trains as that’s still his biggest love. We did the natural history museum last year – but they’ve pulled it around since we went as kids and I don’t think they’ve improved it (either that or my memory is rose tinted!)
Much love
Jo x
From: Derek Goggin [mailto:derekgoggin@gmail.com]
Sent: 16 March 2013 09:49
To: Jo Smedley
Subject: Easter
Sent: 16 March 2013 09:49
To: Jo Smedley
Subject: Easter
|
4/6/13
| | ||
Jo
I assume the parcel arrived OK
School holidays, and time to contact friends, have some crack and catch up with the gossip. What joy. Gossip is never news and seldom correct, especially when related to my grandchildren.
Allegedly and without proof the children are clinically obese and stupid. the inferred level of obesity corresponds to child neglect, not child abuse of more serious obesity, which is thoughtful of them. The stupidity I assume is dyslexia, which is not stupidity just a different intelligence. Such is the lack of knowledge of an Orcadian pond-life pew filler. Not to be believed, and the views of somebody I do not know, should not concern me. However.
I send the children clothes and books totally wasted if they do not fit or if they can not understand the books.
It has been a few years since you sent photographs of the children, given feed back on the presents, what they like or dislike, what they are interested in. That is why I send them books I read to you and Hilary when young and knew you liked them. Because of your fanatical views I have not sent the little Vampire or the Worst Witch books you enjoyed.
The presents sent in good faith trying to assist, obviously cause concern, because they are never acknowledged. I don't even know for sure if they arrive, but as they are probably due to go straight to the charity shop, you probably think it is not worth the effort. It would be more cost effective to donate a goat or bees to the third world and cut out the middleman.
It takes time and effort trying to find clothes that are suitable. It is not hit and miss or something I instinctively do. I do make the effort, but considered outside your family you must think it does not matter.
Tristan’s birthday is due shortly and normally I would be scouring the shops for something over the Easter break. Please let me know what you want me to do.
As for the last time we went to London to the natural History Museum I remember it well. It was horrendous. Pauline took a strop on in the museum and I spent the whole day trying to placate her. I dumped her after that, and was pestered until I took her back. We could not go by car as we did before, because Jonathan could not travel by car. Neither Sam nor Jonathan could use the escalators, lifts, and were afraid of the gap between the train and the station. Ho hum. I hope you had a better time.
Dad
| 4/6/13 | | ||
Hi Dad,
Sorry – between children and the business things have been hectic and I’ve not said thanks!
Yes – the parcel arrived and the clothing always goes down well with Iona who fits everything in her age range. I read the kids the books, neither are independent readers yet, though Tristan is ahead for his year. Iona’s dyslexia is improving but she’s a reluctant reader, so we read the books together and we’ve been enjoying the McGurk mysteries and we read all the dragon books ages ago. Worst witch I’ve already read to Iona, the little vampire I’d totally forgotten about. They all went to see “Hotel Transylvania” at Halloween and thoroughly enjoyed it, so they might well like that too.
Rather then be rude, as I appreciate the gesture of you buying them gifts, I’ve simply been exchanging the clothes you’ve been buying for Tristan in our local Peacocks/Tesco/Asda for the next size up. I know you’ve never seen the children so can’t guess at sizing and didn’t want to seem ungrateful or rude and tell you they didn’t fit. Both mine are happy with vouchers for clothing if you’d like to keep buying clothing for them. Iona is happy with what you buy her and fits it all, but with Tristan being such an awkward size, vouchers are a safer bet for him. We have all the usual retail stores in Grimsby, or can get across toLincoln where they have the other ones easily enough.
As to photos. I’m sorry. I’d assumed you’d seen the photos I sent over to Granny at Christmas with the Christmas letter – but I’ll attach a few to this email. This is Tristan and Iona dressing up for World book day. Iona went as Sherlock Holmes and Tristan as Biggles and I’ve attached another of the kids with Hilary and Clark who popped over for a visit in February – she’s looking well and Clark is lovely.
Tristan takes after his dad and is a big lad. Technically he’s probably verging on clinical obesity, but given that the BMI charts were created post-war, they’re hopelessly out of date, and given that clothing manufacturers consider everyone to be twiggy sized, that doesn’t help either! They both appreciate the clothing (iona especially as she loves the clothes you send), but Tristan is an awkward size to buy for and even I never buy him anything without him being present with me in the shops as I just never know what’ll fit him. He’s short in the leg and wide in the tummy. (Just like his dad).
As for Tristan’s interests... he’s into dinosaurs, angry birds and trains. We’re planning on re-plastering his room this year, and getting new bedroom furniture for him for his birthday as up until now he’s been living with plastic boxes on shelves (having broken all his cupboards and other storage). He’s clumsy and strong and has broken just about everything at least once in the house, from cupboard doors, to surround sound, tablets, computers, etc etc. He’s quite an expensive little chap really but it’s not usually malicious – just clumsy.
Both of them love lego and that’s always a safe bet. Tristan has also recently got into hot wheels tracks and only has one set and I know is keen for more. I’ve got him some second hand K-nex for his birthday to encourage his construction abilities.
His clothing size for tops is 11-12 / 12-13 but trousers are just impossible to find that fit. His school uniform has me in a state every year, and the last shopping spree we ended up in the adult aisle with a lot of taking up to do. Usually he can fit jogging bottoms as they’re a little more forgiving and again I go for larger sizes, 12/13 15-16 sometimes depending on the cut. Every welly-boot I buy for him I have to cut down now so it fits his short calves. He’s got really wide feet and a high arch so getting into shoes is also a problem for him and he’s somewhere between an adult size 4 and 5. Socks are adult size 7-10. Pants are size 12-13 and he prefers the cotton short style. As to reading interests... he enjoys Mr Gum books and Mudpuddle farm, but we might have read them all, unless they have some new ones out in the last 3 months...
We’re planning to do a duck tour, visit the baker street museum and do the British museum when we’re in London this time, and then see what time we have left to do any other sites. Tristan is really looking forward to riding the tube. Iona wants to see tower bridge. We’ve managed to get a hotel in harrow for 2 nights, and I’ve got the girls running the business while I’m away, so at least I don’t have all that to come back to. J
I’m always happy to tell you what’s going on in the kids (and our) lives, but wasn’t sure you were interested. Just let me know if you do want regular updates – I realise we don’t talk on the phone and we aren’t connected on facebook or anything so you don’t find out about them in the same way as everyone else. Emails can always be misconstrued, and I hadn’t realised you would like to hear from me more regularly with just general newsy stuff.
It looks like the weather is finally improving – we’ve been out on the bikes today in the sunshine (though it’s still a little cold for my tastes).
Much love
Jo x
From: Derek Goggin [mailto:derekgoggin@gmail.com]
Sent: 06 April 2013 16:01
To: Jo Smedley
Subject: Re: Easter
Sent: 06 April 2013 16:01
To: Jo Smedley
Subject: Re: Easter
2 Attachments
|
4/8/13
| | ||
Jo
Kathy is away at the moment with the grandchildren, sadly we can not go together due to my health and the livestock. She would not allow me to answer your e-mail until I have calmed down, but I see Hilary and her husband have visited. So just to let you know you have achieve what you wanted I am incandescent with rage.
There are few opportunities for me to meet my family, and this master stroke of rejection, like your wedding is distasteful. YOU WERE NOT BROUGHT UP BY ME TO BE THIS VINDICTIVE.
I had heard that Pauline met her daughter in Edinburgh. I believe Jonathan the brother was included in the reunion. Shame on you.
You have been told that the stories told you by Pauline were false, and yet you have not checked. A sin can be forgiven. Once you ask for forgiveness you are not expected to continue to sin. Shame on you.
You appear to be more sinful as a Christian than you ever were before conversion. Shame on you.
With your false tales of persecution by a controlling and abusive father you have gained some kudos for your martyrdom. May I remind you martyrdom is suffering for your belief not making others suffer for your belief. I have never stopped you going to church or following any cult you wanted to. You have not been so tolerant. Shame on you
For the past twenty years that you have indulged in your sinful practices I have never retaliated, or made your life difficult. I have suffered greatly at your hands. The excuse of being influenced by Pauline and Jonathan can not be justified after such a passing of time. Shame on you.
I received an abuse letter from Hilary, and she was told, by me, where she was ill informed. She has obviously not searched her soul for answers. I can imagine that with her past unresolved and steeped in lies she would not want to see me. That is understandable. To choose to see the protagonist, is unbalanced and shameful. It would have been better for her to meet her real family on her mothers side and her friends than conduct a calculating snub. Common courtesy would be to inform me, of her impending visit, but explain that she did not want any unpleasantness, with her new husband, on this first visit. I would understand, be disappointed, but would understand, as any parent would. You did not do well with this charade. Shame on you.
I do want information about my grandchildren, they are innocent. You can not inflict the sins of the mother onto the next generation. If you do not want your children to know how you chose to sinfully live your life, you should be making changes. You can not tell me you have repented and continue to act in a sinful manner. One day one of your children may reject your religion, will you cast them out like you have done with your father.
I wish you well with your business and hope your life is contented. I hope you take care of your children and bring them up well. Trying your best is no guarantee of success. However like any parent I am concerned about that expanding blackness where your heart should be.
Your distraught father
|
4/8/13
| | ||
Hi Dad
Erm... I’m sorry you are incandescent with rage. It’s the longest email I’ve sent you in ages, mainly because I thought you wanted to know about the kids! Clearly I should have stuck with 2-3 sentence replies to avoid causing any upset, rather then sending you a newsy email.
I thought you might have liked to have seen a recent photo of Hilary I didn’t think that would have provoked an email like this! What can I say?
As to rejecting you. I’ve told you where I live (you haven’t) I’ve told you my phone number (you haven’t) I tell you what’s going on in my life. I’ve offered to visit you (you haven’t). How exactly have I rejected you? You won’t let me call, you won’t let me visit, and you respond to newsy emails with abusive retorts. How would you like me to stay in touch exactly?
Just because we have different views on things, it doesn’t mean I’ve rejected you. I have lots of friends who have different views on life to me – we just agree to disagree on those points and continue in friendship. I didn’t think I’d sent anything remotely inflammatory in the email. Nor did I say anything to you about Pauline, or anything else that you seem to have dragged up in response to a simple email.
The photo of the kids with Hilary happens to be the most recent photo I have of the children. And – given that you already know she was across visiting, is it surprising that I saw her? I thought you might have liked to see Hilary looking so happy and well and figured she wouldn’t have sent one herself, so I actually thought I was being helpful there.
I know we have different opinions of what did and didn’t happen in the past and I realise this has caused pain to you – but this pain isn’t one sided either – I also feel completely rejected.
I’m afraid to say I have no idea what has prompted this email from you – which calls into question my parenting skills and moral character. I wasn’t aware I had done anything wrong by sending back a newsy email with photos of the kids and answering the questions you had about Tristan’s sizing.
I am sorry you feel this way – but I’m afraid – this is me. I’m not going to sever contact with people you dislike. Just like I still speak to both neighbours on my road when they’ve fallen out with each other.
I’m not into exclusive relationships. If you want to have a relationship with your daughter – then have one. It doesn’t matter who I’m talking to surely? If you don’t – then don’t.
Have I ever said “You must leave Kathy in order to have a relationship with me?” No! I haven’t! And why not? Because your friendship with her has NOTHING to do with me! I’m just glad you’re happy with her. And I’d love to think that one day we might meet up and I could see what she’s like as she’s obviously making you happy.
What can I say?
I’m not rejecting you – you’re pushing me away.
If it’s too painful to keep in touch, just let me know and I’ll leave you alone and stop sending you emails or telling you about the kids.
But you emailed ME to ask - so I emailed back to tell. I can’t quite see what I’ve done wrong.
Confused and with love
Jo x
|
4/8/13
| | ||
Jo Thank you for the mail. I shall address each point. I doubt if you could ever understand what you are doing
Erm... I’m sorry you are incandescent with rage. It’s the longest email I’ve sent you in ages, mainly because I thought you wanted to know about the kids! Clearly I should have stuck with 2-3 sentence replies to avoid causing any upset, rather then sending you a newsy email.
It was not the news content of the e-mail you sent that caused my blood to boil. I had been told that Pauline was bragging about seeing her daughter in Edinburgh and she mentioned Jonathan. I naturally thought she meant you. You have seen her and Jonathan before and I consider it normal. It is unfortunate but something I have come to accept. It was the news that Hilary had visited, and clearly I am not family. Thank you for that.
I thought you might have liked to have seen a recent photo of Hilary I didn’t think that would have provoked an email like this! What can I say?
It is good to see a photograph of Hilary however I do not need to be shown I am not part of the family. Like the day of your marriage I should have been informed. I would not have turned up when Pauline was present, and will not go anywhere near Jonathan. I would love to have seen You and Hilary but alas the effort I put into parenting has been tarnished by contact with the Martell family. I thought that by marrying Pauline I would get more time with my family, It turned out I had even less and eventually lost all contact altogether.
As to rejecting you. I’ve told you where I live (you haven’t) I’ve told you my phone number (you haven’t) I tell you what’s going on in my life. I’ve offered to visit you (you haven’t). How exactly have I rejected you? You won’t let me call, you won’t let me visit, and you respond to newsy emails with abusive retorts. How would you like me to stay in touch exactly?
I am sure you do not consider perjury as rejection. I am sure the odd little tittle tattle that was used against me as insignificant, it has not altered your life.
To give you a taste of how life has been just suppose I notified your church that you abused your children. Informed your husbands school he was a paedophile, informed HM Taxes you were defrauding taxes, then stole money from your account, made you homeless and told everyone on facebook you were violent and a Satanist. You probably would not like it, you may even keep your location and contact with your friends secret. You may even keep your telephone number secret because of the constant abusive and threatening calls. All this is justified because Pauline is your mother and your father is neurotic. To deliberately try to destroy someone’s life is criminal, I choose to call it rejection.
You will note you have not been prosecuted for perjury, I have not attacked you on social media sites, I have not intimidated you or the family. I have taken no action against Pauline or Jonathan because it would harm you and Hilary. You are not rejected, I am over cautious.
You are probably upset that I blocked you and Hilary on facebook and opted not to be shown in scans and searches. The down side is, I do not know what you are doing, but then damage is restricted.
If you recall the only advice I gave you about your conduct was replying to an interview that asked if you had a tradition of oral story telling, and you replied you were a liar. I did caution you that admitting to being a convincing liar is not conducive to good business. In response you blogged about whether being a good liar was a creative bonus. I have tried to steer you out of trouble not spread your incompetent arrogance nationwide. Even Jonathan boasted he was ethical and honest. You have been honest enough to admit your dishonesty. Its a strange world.
Just because we have different views on things, it doesn’t mean I’ve rejected you. I have lots of friends who have different views on life to me – we just agree to disagree on those points and continue in friendship. I didn’t think I’d sent anything remotely inflammatory in the email. Nor did I say anything to you about Pauline, or anything else that you seem to have dragged up in response to a simple email.
It is true you restrict your dealings with Pauline to a minimal and although you think you are cautious in your responses I have stopped corresponding to avoid reacting to your inflammatory comments on occasions.
You may believe that Jesus is a God not a prophet or the second rabbi of the John the baptist sect. The main thing is what he said as a tenet of a good life.
The ten commandments are suppose to be the corner stone of the faith. We disagree with the importance of them. The first part is the relationship with God, the next the relationship with the family, then the relationship with society. The rest of the 43 commandments deal with diet, and law. The acceptance of only 10 was due to the fact that Romans like cured pig to eat and want to retain a foreskin. The Christian faith chose to reject 33 commandments I just reject the relationship with God. That does not make me evil.
Other people inform me of what Pauline is doing. Gossip is a wonderful thing and something the Orcadians can not indulge in because of close family connections. The doings of an incomer is open season. Especially one that is so divisive. Half the church goers believe she is evil for deliberately destroying a family (three families to date) and turning children against their parents.
The latest church she attends thinks she is good for bringing two atheist girls from Satan to the true lord. There are the ones attacked by her that are queuing up to watch her fall from grace. So you have to be selective in what you listen to. I still find it depressing that those that have fallen foul of Pauline think I should be supportive of them.
The photo of the kids with Hilary happens to be the most recent photo I have of the children. And – given that you already know she was across visiting, is it surprising that I saw her? I thought you might have liked to see Hilary looking so happy and well and figured she wouldn’t have sent one herself, so I actually thought I was being helpful there.
Thank you for the photograph of the children with Hilary, However it is the latest, and I did not know she was coming to the UK. I did not know for sure she was visiting Pauline and Jonathan in preference to her real family. I doubt if Hilary would send me a photograph or tell me what she is doing, she sent you a copy of her snotogramme. She has the same closed mind that you have.
I know we have different opinions of what did and didn’t happen in the past and I realise this has caused pain to you – but this pain isn’t one sided either – I also feel completely rejected.
It is a sad state of affairs, true. You left the house, turned your back on your father and although I explicitly told you not to get involved you went into bat for Pauline. Consider yourself lucky you didn't end up like Huhne and Price that got 7 years for perjury.
I’m afraid to say I have no idea what has prompted this email from you – which calls into question my parenting skills and moral character. I wasn’t aware I had done anything wrong by sending back a newsy email with photos of the kids and answering the questions you had about Tristan’s sizing.
As I have said before it was not the news, but the information that I am not your family, an outsider less important than your new family. You seem oblivious that being shown that I do not matter, I am hurt, you are even baffled it can be offensive.
I am sorry you feel this way – but I’m afraid – this is me. I’m not going to sever contact with people you dislike. Just like I still speak to both neighbours on my road when they’ve fallen out with each other.
I am afraid if you say so it is you it is what you have become. You have been involved in the most horrendous behaviour to cement your relationship with a family that is using you to enact revenge and it does not bother you, and not worth questioning?
I’m not into exclusive relationships. If you want to have a relationship with your daughter – then have one. It doesn’t matter who I’m talking to surely? If you don’t – then don’t.
You make it quite clear that you are Pauline's daughter, should I take it as that. The children may have wanted a relationship with a loving grandfather, you make it very difficult for them. However when I die they will have access to all the correspondence, solicitors letters, letters from Pauline and everything you and Hilary have written. It will be too late to question and explain. Truth has the knack of being very uncomfortable.
Have I ever said “You must leave Kathy in order to have a relationship with me?” No! I haven’t! And why not? Because your friendship with her has NOTHING to do with me! I’m just glad you’re happy with her. And I’d love to think that one day we might meet up and I could see what she’s like as she’s obviously making you happy.
True you have not told me to leave Kathy, but may I remind you of the intimidation of Sue, and the harassment she suffered. Even Hilary sent a Christmas card back saying she didn't want the name of my floosie on the card. Floosie is not a word normally used by teenagers.
What can I say?
I’m not rejecting you – you’re pushing me away.
Sometimes I am amazed at my moderation
If it’s too painful to keep in touch, just let me know and I’ll leave you alone and stop sending you emails or telling you about the kids.
I want to know about the grandchildren so just keep me informed occasionally.
It may be a one sided conversation for some time.
I shall give you some advice from bitter experience, debt , overwork, and low libido, can put intolerable strain on any marriage. Lies kill a family and pull it apart. In the case of Pauline and myself it was not her violent, destructive, controlling nature that destroyed the marriage, it was the knowledge that while I was trying my best to make things work, she was telling lies and encouraging you to repeat them. You have embarked on a life of dishonest, albeit honestly believed, yet you never checked, you never made sure. It can never end well, he that rides a tiger can never get off.
But you emailed ME to ask - so I emailed back to tell. I can’t quite see what I’ve done wrong.
Just think occasionally, not everyone has found the Martell family beneficial.
dad
No comments:
Post a Comment